Curiousity Questions from Positive Discipline

Helping children explore the consequences of their choices is much different from imposing consequences on them. Exploring invites the participation of children to think for themselves and figure things out for themselves, and to decide what is important to them and to decide what they want. The end result is focusing on solutions to the problem instead of consequences.

When the solutions come from the children, or are brainstormed together and the child chooses what will be most helpful, they learn that they can make a valuable contribution when using respectful decision-making skills. Children learn that mistakes aren’t horrible if you don’t beat yourself up about them and if you look at mistakes as ways to learn.

Positive Discipline recommends trying Curiosity Questions to get "into the minds" of our children and help them come up with solutions.  The following guidelines will help when using curiosity questions:

1. Don’t have an agenda. You aren’t getting into the child’s world if you have an agenda about how the child should answer these questions. That is why they are called curiosity questions.
2. Don’t ask questions if either of you are upset. Wait until you are both feeling calm.
3. Ask curiosity questions from your heart. Use your wisdom to show you how to get into the child’s world and show empathy and acceptance.

 The tool card below gives some great Curiosity Questions to some common problems.  For more ideas and suggestions about these parenting tool, call Building Healthy Families.