Tools for Better Listening

The folks at Positive Discipline offered some great advice for improving your listening!  Check our their helpful hints below:

Many parents complain that their children don’t listen, yet few parents really listen to their children. Parents tend to do the following:

• React and Correct: Don’t talk to me that way. Why can’t you be more positive, grateful, or respectful? You shouldn’t feel that way. Why can’t you be different—more like your sister or brother?
•  
• Fix or Rescue: Maybe if you would do this ____, then____.  (Maybe if you would be friendlier, then you would have more friends.) I’ll talk to your teacher (or your friend’s mother). Don’t feel bad.  Try the following:

Tools for Better Listening

1. Validate feelings: I can see this is very upsetting for you. Sounds like you are really sad, mad, feeling hurt. 
2. Ask Curiosity Questions:  What happened? Want to talk about it?
3. Invite Deeper Sharing: Anything else? Is there more? Anything else? Anything else?
4. Listen with your Lips Closed:  Hmmmm. 
5. Have Faith in Your Child: Know that, in most cases, your child simply needs a supportive, listening ear as part of the process of venting before coming up with his or her solution. Through this process your child learns resiliency (“I can deal with the ups and downs of life.") and capability ("I can survive getting upset and figure out solutions.").

Tools for Better Listening

1. Validate feelings: I can see this is very upsetting for you. Sounds like you are really sad, mad, feeling hurt.
2. Ask Curiosity Questions:  What happened? Want to talk about it?
3. Invite Deeper Sharing: Anything else? Is there more? Anything else? Anything else?
4. Listen with your Lips Closed:  Hmmmm. 
5. Have Faith in Your Child: Know that, in most cases, your child simply needs a supportive, listening ear as part of the process of venting before coming up with his or her solution. Through this process your child learns resiliency (“I can deal with the ups and downs of life.") and capability ("I can survive getting upset and figure out solutions.").

- See more at: http://blog.positivediscipline.com/#sthash.L0Vgc9Kn.dpuf

Many parents complain that their children don’t listen, yet few parents really listen to their children. Parents tend to do the following:

• React and Correct: Don’t talk to me that way. Why can’t you be more positive, grateful, or respectful? You shouldn’t feel that way. Why can’t you be different—more like your sister or brother?
• Fix or Rescue: Maybe if you would do this ____, then____.  (Maybe if you would be friendlier, then you would have more friends.) I’ll talk to your teacher (or your friend’s mother). Don’t feel bad.

Tools for Better Listening

1. Validate feelings: I can see this is very upsetting for you. Sounds like you are really sad, mad, feeling hurt.
2. Ask Curiosity Questions:  What happened? Want to talk about it?
3. Invite Deeper Sharing: Anything else? Is there more? Anything else? Anything else?
4. Listen with your Lips Closed:  Hmmmm. 
5. Have Faith in Your Child: Know that, in most cases, your child simply needs a supportive, listening ear as part of the process of venting before coming up with his or her solution. Through this process your child learns resiliency (“I can deal with the ups and downs of life.") and capability ("I can survive getting upset and figure out solutions.").

- See more at: http://blog.positivediscipline.com/#sthash.IW13zyRc.dpuf

Many parents complain that their children don’t listen, yet few parents really listen to their children. Parents tend to do the following:

• React and Correct: Don’t talk to me that way. Why can’t you be more positive, grateful, or respectful? You shouldn’t feel that way. Why can’t you be different—more like your sister or brother?
• Fix or Rescue: Maybe if you would do this ____, then____.  (Maybe if you would be friendlier, then you would have more friends.) I’ll talk to your teacher (or your friend’s mother). Don’t feel bad.

Tools for Better Listening

1. Validate feelings: I can see this is very upsetting for you. Sounds like you are really sad, mad, feeling hurt.
2. Ask Curiosity Questions:  What happened? Want to talk about it?
3. Invite Deeper Sharing: Anything else? Is there more? Anything else? Anything else?
4. Listen with your Lips Closed:  Hmmmm. 
5. Have Faith in Your Child: Know that, in most cases, your child simply needs a supportive, listening ear as part of the process of venting before coming up with his or her solution. Through this process your child learns resiliency (“I can deal with the ups and downs of life.") and capability ("I can survive getting upset and figure out solutions.").

- See more at: http://blog.positivediscipline.com/#sthash.IW13zyRc.dpuf