Friday, March 30, 2012

Parenting Tool: Try a Positive Time Out

If timeouts aren't effective with your child, try different twist. The folks at Positive Discipline suggest using "Positive Time Outs" as tool to teach children anger-management and self-soothing techniques.

"Positive-time-out is totally different. A child (or students in a classroom) designs a "positive time-out area" filled with pleasant things to help him calm down until he can access his rational brain and "do better."

After he has designed his "positive time-out area." he gives it another name such as "my space," or my "my cool off spot." Giving positive time-out another name helps eliminate the negative feelings of punitive time-out.”

Then allow your child to "choose" to go to his positive time-out instead of being sent. During a conflict you might say, “Would it help you to go to your ‘feel good place?” If your child says, “No,” ask, “Would you like me to go with you?” (Often this is encouraging to a child and helps increase a connection, as well as calming down.) If your child still says, “No,” (or is having such a temper tantrum, she can’t even hear you,) say, “Okay, I’m going to my time-out place.” What a great model for your children.

Go to your own Positive Time-Out

Going to your own positive time-out is often the best place to start during a conflict. Instead of asking your child if it would help her to go to her feel good place, just go to your own. Your time-out could be a physical place. It could also take place by taking deep breaths, counting to ten (or 100), meditating on how much you love your child, etc.

Not for Children under the age of Three to Four

If a child isn't old enough to design his own positive-time-out area, he is not old enough to understand any kind of time-out—even positive time-out."

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