Understanding the concepts of discipline for young children is one of the most frequent frustrations heard at Building Healthy Families parenting classes. The folks at Positive Discipline have some great tools for understanding developmentally appropriate behavior and offer numerous strategies to encourage positive self-development!
Children under the age of three do not understand “no” in the way most parents think they do. (And a full understanding of “no” doesn’t occur magically when the child turns three. It is a developmental process.) “No” is an abstract concept that is in direct opposition to the developmental need of young children to explore their world and to develop their sense of autonomy and initiative.
The three most important discipline tools to use with children under the age of four is supervision, distraction and redirection. Showing them what to do instead of what not to do (showing them how to touch nicely instead of saying, “Don’t hit.” During the first years of life, your job is to keep your child safe without letting your fears discourage her. For this reason, supervision is an important parenting tool, along with kindness and firmness while redirecting or teaching your child.
Distraction and redirection work well with toddlers. Fifteen-month-old Greyson was toddling toward his Dad’s computer. Dad called his name and Greyson looked at him, grinned, and toddled so fast in the direction of the computer that he almost fell. Dad picked him up, gave him a big hug, and took him over to his blocks. What if Greyson keeps returning to the forbidden computer? How many times must a parent distract or redirect a child’s attention? Well, as many times as it takes. As we’ve mentioned before, it takes patience and perseverance to train a young child.
Toddlers are experiencing individuation, learning to see themselves as separate, independent beings. It’s a natural and healthy process, but one that is frequently trying for parents. At one level it doesn’t take long for a young child to learn the power of the word “no,” or that by using it he can provoke all sorts of interesting reactions. Adults can’t always avoid these confrontations, but changing your own behavior and expectations can lessen their impact.
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