"Most parents believe and say, “My kids know how to push
my buttons to manipulate me and that is why they don’t behave for me”! I
also hear well-meaning, grandmothers/fathers, mother-in-laws and
neighbors reinforce this notion by saying, “He never does that at my
house”! This implies of course that the parents are responsible for the
child’s inappropriate behavior.
Believe it or not this is not why kids behave
inappropriately with their parents and not with others. It’s because
their parents unconditionally love them and that makes kids feel safe
enough to misbehave. In other words, they feel comfortable enough and
are sure enough in the love of their parents to experiment with
different behaviors. They know that their parents won’t ever leave
them, no matter how troubling their behavior might be.
So parents, have faith the next time your kids seem out
of control with you, that you are doing something right and that is
allowing your kids to try out different ways of communicating to see how
you will react.
Remember when your kids behave appropriately be there to
let them know that by telling them you like the way they are talking to
you, following the family rules and or treating you and others. And
when they pick other, not so appropriate ways to behave, make sure they
see you respond to them in a different way. This will help your kids
begin to tell the difference between what they get from their parent
when they behave in different ways.
For kids, life is all about learning how healthy
relationships work by trying out different ways to behave. So, instead
of looking for ways to get your kids to stop misbehaving look for ways
to teach them what they can do to create a healthy relationship with
you, their parent, who they love & adore, Dr. Ann
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